Today

I've really actually done it. Retired, that is. I left work in a flurry of flowers and champagne at the end of March. Given the state of flux of the rest of my life and that I've had two weeks' holiday since then, it's only now that I'm thinking about what it really means.

I had to fill in some form last week "occupation?" "retired". Well, that could mean any damn thing. You are defined in life by a number of things. For me, my marriage, my home and my occupation were the key planks on which I rested. One of those has completely gone away. The other two are still rather inclined to wobble if I rest my whole weight on them and threaten to tip me into the void.

So, I have to wonder whether I need to find new defining things and whether it really matters. Of course, there are plenty of things that I can do, but I don't just want to fill the time. When you are working you are achieving precise objectives as well as putting food on the table, so to speak. You also can say, when people ask you what you do, "I'm a......." and put a marker down as to where you belong. As a retired person, I could be any age from 55-105, I could be rich or poor, important or insignificant.

Of course, my lovely friends and family say "Oh, but you'll still be lovely, special you, whatever happens!" Thanks. But your occupation also shapes how you express your nature and I have no idea what'll happen now.

And it does make you sympathetic to women, whose whole lives are defined by being mothers, who become so depressed when the children leave home.

In my day

Paul retired, on health grounds, at the age of 48. He'd had recurring back problems as a result of 20 years of ambulance work and could take no more. To begin with, all was delight. He enjoyed cooking my meals when I came home, became obsessive about vacuum cleaning and doing his hobbies. He could also rest his back.

But when the back pain became less obtrusive and the reality of the smallness of his pension hit home he began to be restless. He explained that having hobbies as a way of unwinding from work was one thing, but to expect the model railway to fill one's horizons was another. And he got fed up waiting for me all day.

He found some ways to contribute: Youth offender panels and school governorships enabled him to find a position in society that had been taken away with his retirement. So it's really about being able to contribute something, whether it's creative or supportive.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to my posh retirement dinner tonight!

Today

Actually a little after the event, but a treatise on recipes and cooking. Last week it was Shrove Tuesday. I decided not to go to choir but to make some pancakes. Easy - one ounce of flour per pancake, one egg and enough milk.

Mixed away merrily, made four lovely thin pancakes, which I filled with a scrummy garlic mushroom and creme fraiche filling, topped with melted cheese and dinner was done.

Becky phones - "can I just confirm the recipe for pancakes - I've got Charl, Shona and Cat coming round soon". "Yes - 8 oz flour, 1 egg and a pint of milk will give you 8-10 pancakes".

The next day we have the post-mortem - "I realised that we didn't put in enough eggs", says Becky. "You won't need more than 1", says I, "how did it go?" "Well, we had a lot of failures, but eventually did get our pancakes....."

In My Day

My sister was married at the tender age of 18, to a man 7 years' her senior who expected to see his dinner, hot, ready as he walked in the door. A domestic goddess she was not.

Decided to make a chicken casserole one day. Gave me a call - "how do I start?" "well, I suggest you chop and brown some onions". "OK". A bit later "what do you mean, "Brown"?" I explained. She phoned every few minutes to ask what to do with the chicken, the stock, the vegetables, the oven temperature, the cooking time. I've no idea whether Dave ever got his first home-cooked meal on time. Perhaps it was a symbol of their marriage, that she accidentally threw an entire (piping hot) spaghetti bolognese into his lap on a later occasion.

I have a staple recipe called cottage cheese loaf which I make again and again. My sister gave me the recipe. A year or so ago she called. "Can you give me the recipe for cottage cheese loaf?"
"Well, you gave it to me", says I "but here it is."

I think that Mamma and my school between them gave me what I would describe as a repertoire for cooking. The rest comes with actually reading the recipe and having an ability to imagine flavours so that you can combine them well.

Anyway, my sister still doesn't do domestic goddess, but has found herself a husband who cooks and cleans.

Today

In (to paraphrase "The Weakest Link") a reversal of fortune, we went to Sussex to bring all Paul's stuff back.

Paul hired a transit van and we set off for Sussex. It was empty, of course, and reverberated a bit in anticipation of having a full load.

Unable to sleep, we'd set of at a ridiculously early hour. Utterly ridiculous, because we still hit 8.30 rush hour traffic at Worthing and 9.00 rush hour traffic at Brighton. Still, we stopped off at Flat 2 and admired the work that had been done on the ceiling.

Then off to collect the stuff. It had been fairly neatly arranged and, after all, Paul hadn't unpacked very much, All loaded in 1/2 an hour (all those sessions at the gym do have some effect, you know) and we were on our way back home in 40 minutes.

In My Day

It was so exciting when we moved from the flat in Belmont to our first house in Eastbourne. Even the fact that the mortgage repayment was 3 times the rent (that was in the days of 16% interest rates) couldn't damp our enthusiasm.

We were told that the house would be ready in March and started to get organised. We were so poor that we had hardly anything. The carpet wouldn't fit as the new house was open-plan, nor would the curtains. Paul decided to hire a Bedford van and we asked a friend to help. On the great day, Paul couldn't get away from work till the evening, so I started packing on my own. (Where was Lizzy? Perhaps at the childminders'...)

It's surprising how many boxes you can fill, even when you've very little furniture. I flogged up and down the stairs, taking stuff down in readiness. It didn't help that my period started that day - I had to lie down at one point.

Eventually Paul and friend turned up; were delighted at how much I'd managed to do solo and got the van loaded. We collected Lizzy and drove, in pouring rain, to Eastbourne.

The layout of the property was with the back garden, surrounded by a high wall, facing the road. There was a high wooden gate into the garden. As it was a new house there was no lawn and the garden was a sea of mud. We slipped and staggered into the house (good thing there were no carpets); the pieces of planking we'd laid over the mud being more of a hindrance than a help.

Paul & friend drove back to get another load. I tried to keep Lizzy, aged 2, entertained and to sort a few things out. There were a couple of cards and gifts at the house. Mamma, bless her, had sent a box which had tea and loo roll - the sort of things that tend to buried in a box labelled "Christmas Decorations".

The following day we went back to lift the carpet which we giving to Mum (it turned out to be full of pins as a result of all my sewing and fitted nothing at their flat).

Ever since using removal firms has seemed like a good idea.

My arms ache from lifting.

Today

Having a go at snowing today. The temperature doesn't seem low enough and there's been no long cold spell. However, on my way home tonight, it got worse and worse - visibility shocking and, once I got to Holcombe, some snow was lying. Don't think it will last.

The Met office warned us that, because of the antics of the North Atlantic Oscillator, we would be having a shocking winter. Doesn't seem to be true - a few chilly days and a poor attempt at does not a bad winter make.

In My Day

I remember the great cold winter of 1962/3. The first part was a prolonged period of freezing smog. This was before the clean air act, so London was still full of coal fires churning out sooty smoke which mixed with the fog to produce air which killed babies and old people.

I was doing a paper round at the time. I used to cycle from Upper Norwood to the paper shop in Thornton Heath. Each day I saw the frosty particles grow like stalactites on the garden walls. Sometimes I was too scared to actually ride my bike, it was so icy.

On boxing day 1962 it started to snow and snow and snow. I now really couldn't ride my bike. So I had to get up even earlier and walk, pushing the bike (it was very helpful in actually carrying the papers) down to Thornton Heath at about 5.30 in the morning.

On December 30th (a Sunday) it really began to blizzard. I got to the shop at some godawful time and picked up my bag. Even in 1962 Sunday papers were full of supplements so were always heavy. What was worse was having to scrape away snow from letter boxes and thrust the papers in, section by section. Why did so many people have these doors with letter boxes at ground level? It took ages and some papers got damaged (a fact that some customers actually complained about).

Eventually, two and a half hours later, I staggered back to the shop, frozen. "Don't stay, luv, you're dripping on the mat", says my sympathetic boss. I left and trudged back up the hill, longing for a cup of hot tea and my bed.

No such luck; when I got home I found that the snow had brought a tree down over the road, blocking the traffic (see blog 22/5/2005) and I simply had to help with carting away the logs.

It'll take more than a flurry of poor wet snow to stop me doing what I want.

Today

I've made the decision: it's going to be a Lexus Cabriolet. My company car goes back at the end of March. I want a car that gives me a sense of comfort and security while turning a couple of heads.

I test drove the Lexus a couple of weeks ago. There are really only 2 seats and Becky complained that I wouldn't be able to take her & Lizzy places. Tough - we'll go in her boring grey Toyota instead (once she's got the dents sorted).

It's blue with a cream leather interior. Everyone tells me that I'll get fantastic service from Lexus and that, anyway, it'll never go wrong.

In My Day

A new car was a concept utterly foreign to me until I began to have company cars.

When I met Paul, back in 1971, he had an ancient Sunbeam Rapier. One of those whose air conditioning consisted of rust holes in the floor. That died one night after we'd been out on a date, so he trotted off to a place on a very nasty Eastbourne council estate and bought an Austin Westminster for £25 from a man called Mr Fox (should have been our warning, really).

Paul was undergoing his police training at that time and was mortified to be stopped by the police. Turned out that the car had a forged tax disc and dodgy MOT. Paul stormed over to Foxy's, showed his warrant card and demanded his money back. Which he got and put down as a part payment on the Vauxhall Victor Estate that featured in an earlier blog.

I'm going to place my order in a couple of weeks - just love that new car smell.

Today

This week I announced my retirement from the company where I've worked for the past 19 years and of which I've been MD for 5.

Reactions were mixed - some didn't seem to notice, some congratulated me, some were cross, some in tears.

Given how my life has changed recently, this is just one more to roll with.

I've lots of plans, which include a visit to Machu Picchu in September, among other things. Odd to be doing much of it alone - but I'll sure I'll find lots of friends.

In My Day

My father was terrified of retirement. He used to read the obituaries involving other journalists. "Drank too much, of course, but it was retirement that actually killed him", he'd say. He was convinced that you had about 18 months after retirement.

When his own retirement from Hansard, at 65, approached, he begged, and was given, a stay of execution for 1 year. Once he'd retired, he took jobs travelling Europe reporting at the United Nations, NATO etc (this was before the use of tape recorders, when a crack journalist with top-notch shorhand skills was at a premium). He went to Paris, Strasbourg, Geneva. When that dried up he worked for the Press Association, still in the Houses of Parliament, on a freelance basis. He also did some shorthand teaching at Pitman's College in Holborn.

He didn't give up until he had a stroke that impaired his hearing, at the age of 74. And he lived to be 86.

I've no intention of going before my time. There's plenty to do and I'm going to do it. Flying lessons, anybody?

Today

This has been an odd week which has seen the end of my 35 year-old marriage. Having done the deed, I had to phone to tell friends and family. Without exception they were loving and supportive. I realised that I have many friends - it was easy to tell those who were handing out routine sympathy and those who really wanted me to know that they regarded me with love.

I found out that I haven't been the extra in what they saw as a friendship with Paul - it's true that you can't see yourself as others see you. I shan't test their patience - I feel confident in my decision, but it's so nice to know that they're there.

In My Day

At school I generally felt friendless, On my 1st day I sat next to a child who pinched and kicked me all day long. It became clear that my family were rather unusual, so that the views and ideas I assumed were normal were seen by many as odd. So my certainties were rocked. Plus I had to wear glasses - pink wire framed NHS glasses. I remember sitting on the playground wall, feeling very self-conscious and isolated. I broke or lost those specs as soon as I could.

Looking back, I realise that I did have some friends - there was a boy called Phillip and a girl called Christine. And another nice chap who welshed on his friends who were planning to pull some stunt on me involving bubble gum and mud.

Friendship is a gift, not a right. And I'm not about to throw it away.

This blog is a catch up blog as we've been in Canada for the past 10 days. So I'm going to divide it into 2 sections. I also find that Blogspot on my Nephew's iMac doesn't seem to give me the font options that I get on Windows.

GETTING THERE

Today

We travelled from Heathrow to Toronto via BA. The flight was at 11.00 am so we went up the night before and stayed at the Sheraton. Becky joined us for supper and we had a lovely evening.

I'd already checked in online so we whizzed through rapid baggage drop and soon were ensconced in our traveller plus slightly larger seats (makes a massive difference). They remembered my vegetarian meal as well.

We had stacks of luggage, what with snow boots, Christmas presents and all.

At Toronto there was Mark to meet us and take us the shortish drive to his house in Acton.

In My Day

We first went to Toronto back in 1980. It was out of the question to afford a flight direct. My Sister Carol had offered to pay for the trip but we wanted to be independent if we could.

Therefore we decided to fly Freddie Laker to JFK, where Carol and co would collect us. Freddie Laker offered
the first cut-price air journeys. What you did was scan the papers for ticket availability for the flight you wanted and then frantically go and buy them.

The day came; My brother told me that he'd seen tickets for the day we wanted advertised in "The Telegraph". He lent me the money till I could get mine out of my savings account, we bundled the kids next door and drove up to the booking office at Victoria from Eastbourne. Arrived, breathless, at the counter. Could they see our passports? Passports? Why do we need passports to buy a ticket? Well we did. Straight back into the car to go and get them.

At Uckfield the car broke down (regular readers of this blog will know all about our shocking cars). Finally took a taxi to get the passports and get back to London. Back by train the next day.

Whew!

Then packed up the girls, sandwiches and baggage. Caught the flight.

At JFK there was Carol to meet us in a big camper van. We drove through the night to get to their town house in Toronto.

It's true that being broke gives you more hassle and in an odd way, can cost you more.


CHRISTMAS

Today

This has been the first Christmas we've spent without the girls. We've spent a few away from home before, but always together. We set up the house with tree and presents and left it to the girls. We left out food for cuzzmas (the cousin's Christmas), decided to leave most of the gifts we'd been given at home to open later.

Our Nephew and family couldn't have been more welcoming. My Niece is Jewish so the festivity has had a definite multi religious feel with Chanakah menorah being lit and there being plenty of latkes, herring, and beetroot (for breakfast?),. along with stockings, turkey and crackers. My sister was there, my other niece and all of my Nephew's in-laws.

We worked away at the food - I cheered up all those of English extraction by bringing Christmas Pud and making custard and roast potatoes. There were about 20 guests and we had a loud and jolly time.

Boxing Day was a repeat at Suzee's house, with some of the same relatives and a host more.

In My Day

Daddy never wanted visitors at Christmas. I only remember one on one occasion - my French Penfriend Anne Davis. He felt that Christmas was strictly for the immediate bosom of the family. We had some strict traditions; some of them were based around the fact that David, being a St Paul's chorister, didn't arrive util about 4.00 pm.

Daddy wrote a family hymn, which David set to music. We sang this every year - "take the friendly hand, love and understand, stand together in a ring, lift your voices up and sing, lomg live the ......." I found it embarrassing at one time - now it makes me weep to remember it.

The moring was spent in preparation. The house was tidied, the fires lad, the table decorated. The meal never varied:

Tomato soup
Turkey, stuffing, ham, red cabbage, chestnuts, sprouts, roast potatoes, gravy
Christmas Pudding

We lit candles on the tree and opened gifts after dinner. Sometimes we sang carols as well.

Boxing day was quiet, with us enjoying our gifts and taking a chilly walk somewhere - probably Crystal Palace Park.

What is clear is that both events were full of a sense of family belonging. How wonderful to know that there's a whole family 3000 miles away with their arms held out.

Today

Recovering this morning from last night's Company Christmas bash. The company is also 20 years' old this year so we had a combined celebration.

Marvellous bash; we hired the SS Great Britain and about 125 people turned up, all dressed in their best (or their interpretation of it). Staff are allowed to invite a guest so there was a nice mixture of faces I knew and those I didn't.

The evening was themed around James Bond with car chase video games, a casino, a James Bond lookalike who did table magic and a great band. For those who were not interested in these delights, there was a ship to explore and plenty of quiet places to sit and chat. Food was plentiful and good and the venue spiffing.

I did my MD bit and cruised around, greeting all and making sure that all were happy and in their right places.

Paul took us in the Daimler so it all felt very posh.

In My Day

When I worked for the Inland Revenue, back in the 70s, office parties were a far cry from last night. On a fairly unpredictable day, close to Christmas, desks would be cleared and, if possible, moved to make space. Food of the sausage roll variety and a range of drinks would be wheeled in. I've an idea that we contributed to the cost. If you had a good and understanding boss, some cash would be donated. We stopped work at about 4.00 pm, somebody would heave in a tape player and music would be put on.

Then we'd proceed to drink a lot, eat a little, dance and say foolish things. I never saw anybody nipping off to the stationery cupboard but I'm sure it went on. Quite a lot of the senior managers would just absent themselves altogether and there were always a few lonely souls who stood there, clutching a glass and talking to nobody.

Round about 8.00 pm, I'd make my way to the station to catch a train home, or else call Paul who'd come and collect me. One grim year I got very drunk on Baileys - haven't been able to touch the stuff since. Another year I was certainly kissed very firmly by a chap who must have been 15 years my junior.

And in the morning you went into work, hoping you hadn't disgraced yourself or been horribly outspoken to someone, and helped to clear up the mess.

I think that last night will go down in the annals of great Christmas doos.

Today

On Monday I had a diet review session with my personal trainer. I'd filled in a questionnaire and he had produced 2 assessments. One detailed my metabolic type - I should eat slightly more carbohydrates than proteins and strictly limit fats. I have a slight issue with this, as, being a vegetarian, I find it rather hard to separate these items out. A nut - is it fat, carbohydrate or protein? Although, broadly, I see what he means. And it's pretty much how I eat already, although I could probably reduce carbs. (Bread is good, tho')

He also looked at my general levels of well-being and made a couple of suggestions about improvements, mainly centering around organic and whole foods. It's difficult to argue with him or his wife as they're both such good ads for what they do. In the main, he said that my well-being levels are good and that I manage stress well. (Just as well, given my job). So, like the dentist, leave well alone.

In My Day

Daddy also had "ideas" about food, a lot of which probably wouldn't stand up to today's nutritional scrutiny.

On the plus side, he loved fish. He would often arrive home on a Friday night with some mackerel which he would roll in porridge oats and fry. Mamma used to souse mackerel or herring, a process which filled the house with the smell of vinegar for days. She would also cook regular fish and chips for us all. Occasionally Daddy had skate. I used to watch, appalled and fascinated as he cut through and ate what appeared to me to be bones. And he ate tinned pilchards in tomato sauce, bones and all.

There was plenty of meat eaten in the house - I realise now that I only liked meat that was so overcooked or ersatz that it didn't really resemble meat. Daddy hated ersatz meat - even sausages or corned beef, so those items were fed to us, but not to him. He loved the fat on meat and believed that it was really good for you. With metabolic typing in mind, it could have been that it was good for him - he did live to be 86, after all. I, on the other hand, absolutely loathed it. That went for crispy bacon rind and pork crackling as well as the nasty kind that's attached to stewed beef or ham fat.

One Christmas there was the usual turkey and boiled ham joint. Daddy did the carving and, as usual, cut of a large slice of ham, meat, fat and rind, for each of us. This year I rebelled. I ate the meat, but simply couldn't eat the fat. There was a stand-off, following which I was told to leave the table and not allowed my Christmas pudding (something I have always loved - it's the dried fruit, you see). I myself have always been more tolerant with my young'uns on Christmas day.

On more than one occasion, Mamma cooked goose. She would collect the fat, fry some onions till they were blackened, and mix them with the fat which was allowed to harden. This she spread on toast with a little salt. We were also offered beef dripping on toast. I hated it all and nobody in the family had any understanding of why this might be.

Unusually for a child, I liked all vegetables, including cabbage, even the cabbage we had at school!

I have no idea whether I'm healthier that my parents or will live longer, but I do believe that good food comes in a variety of guises. Anyway, all that fat made me into a fat girl, and has caused me to struggle ever since.

Today

This weekend we went to see "Die Fledermaus" as performed by Southgate Opera (now in Potter's bar). It's a truly silly piece, about people with too much money, too much time on their hands and no judgment. Really an opportunity for Strauss to mess about and show how good he was at colleratura arias, waltzes and polkas.

Enjoyed it, anyhow, despite the "Helga" cross-dresser at the start of act 3.

In My Day

It was after a performance of "Die Fledermaus" that I experienced my first kiss. I was all of 13 years' old. I went with a chap I'd met at the Proms that summer. His name was (I presume it still is) John Medlock. He was about 16 and at some posh school near Ashford, Kent. He wrote me long longing letters during the Autumn term and we eventually met up at Sadler's Wells to see the Operetta. My mother decided that I couldn't go on such a date looking like a schoolgirl and bought me my first pair of proper stockings and some very nice grey shoes.

We were accompanied by a Proms Friend named Garnet. I suppose my mother thought she might be a chaperone. I remember that the show was very sparkling and that John held my hand.

Afterwards, Garnet buggered off and John walked me to the bus stop. We had a longish wait. Quite without warning he suddenly grabbed me and planted a smacker on my lips. I had absolutely no idea how to respond and turned away, unable to say a word. He silently handed me onto the bus. I suppose he wasn't very experienced, either, having been brought up in a public boarding school. Anyway, the relationship fizzled out soon after.

I actually found him on Friends Reunited a few years' back and sent an email but he didn't reply. Says it all, really.

Today

First frost of the year this week. My car's rear screen de-icer chose this week also to pack up, but never mind, all fixed now.

We went out last night to an Avon Ambulanceperson's reunion. Paul's bash, so, in conformity with tradition, I drove. Slippery little journey along Burrington Coombe.

In My Day

I learnt to drive relatively late, at the age of 37. Although I did have some proper lessons, it was really Paul who taught me in our Morris Marina. I passed my test on a Monday in October; on the following Sunday I was driving, on my own, late at night along the M27.

As winter loomed, Paul said to me "I must take you out to an empty carpark one frosty Sunday so that you can learn how to handle a skid." Bearing in mind the Marina's total lack of road handling, this seemed like a good idea.

One very frosty morning after our move to Southampton, I had to set off very early to carry out some training in Bexhill. There'd been rain, then a sudden clearing, so plenty of frost. M27 again, then A27. On the Chichester bypass a light freezing fog descended. I could see enough to know that, if I stayed in the inside lane, I'd shortly be stuck behind a lot of lorries, so I pulled out into the deserted outside lane. Suddenly the car was all over the road, back end wiggling like that frightful Renault Megane ad. If I close my eyes I can still see the way the view kept changing. I don't know whether I actually controlled the skid, but at least I didn't do foolish things like jam on the brakes.

After what appeared to be ages the car (let's face it, it wasn't down to my skill) straightened up, still well behind the lorries. It was only later that my legs started trembling.

Later I phoned Paul. "You know you were going to show me how to handle a skid?" I said "well, I've done it!"

If I could cope in a Marina, frost in a Toyota holds no terrors.

Today

Off to the dentist yesterday. How remarkable is that? Well, I haven't been for 20 years, that's how!

Result? If it ain't broke, don't fix it. Teeth in better nick than they've any right to be.

In My Day

I did go to the dentist regularly as a child, which is more than my parents did. Mamma had a full set of dentures which caused her endless trouble when consuming raspberries or tomatoes. Daddy didn't believe in dentists and had a fairly full set of fairly yellowish horse-like gnashers.

I mostly remember going alone and being subjected to all but the worst fillings and extractions without anaesthetic. Of course I was frightened of the dentist; it was frightening. An extraction using laughing gas also made me very wary of masks to breathe through. The masks they used were of rubber and had a vile smell. I've been convinced since that I can smell it every time I'm offered nitrous oxide, even though I know that it doesn't smell and the mask is of plastic.

I last went to the dentist before moving to the West Country - just never got around to going till now.

Anyhow, I've an appointment with the hygienist, who, I'm told, is far worse than the dentist.

Today

Last weekend was a success with regard to renewing friendships. We went to supper with an old colleague of mine, whom I hadn't seen in 10 years. She used to be one of our trainers and she left 10 years ago for pastures new. I bumped into her at my financial advisors' office, on reception. Delighted to see each other and much enjoyed our catching up session in her immaculate little bungalow just up the road.

She inadvertently led me to another catch-up session, having worked with a former friend. I say "former" as some sort of misunderstanding, generated out of who knows what, caused us to stop communicating with each other about 8 years ago.

I learnt that she'd had a good deal of illness and various other troubles; her phone number hadn't changed, so, on Sunday I called her up. She seemed jolly pleased, if a little surprised and I heard all about her life for the past 8 years.

In My Day

As my 50th birthday loomed, I became aware that Paul and the girls had some scheme afoot. I guessed what it was and also that they were struggling. Down the pub one night, I said "My birthday - do you want some help?" "Yes, please!" they cried. So I gave them a couple of clues about the possible whereabouts of various old friends of mine.

And they had some success. Becky tracked down an old boyfriend of mine who couldn't come - it was his 20th wedding anniversary that night. Paul found a college friend, who didn't come to the party, but with whom I've caught up a couple of times.

On the night, my old conductor of Musica Antiqua (see April 10th entry) and his wife turned up, with a CD of our music-making. We've seen them several times since. They are always delighted to see us and offer us the kindest hospitality. They are now proud grandparents.

Best of all was my friend Hugh. I'd known Hugh back in the Croydon Young Players days in about 1964 and had lost touch with him and his wife Shirley since about 1975. Paul took a speculation with Directory Enquiries, telling them that the name was so unusual that there was probably only one in England. After they'd told him that they didn't do a country-wide search, they then said that, actually, there was only one and gave Paul the number. How delighted I was when they arrived at my door! I remembered why we'd been friends in the first placed.

We saw each other a few times after that and they turned up at our millennium party, 2 years later. How sad that he died of lung cancer in 2003. I would have been even sadder if I hadn't had that chance to renew our friendship.

You can't take friendship for granted - it's a precious gift.

Today

More about my redundant first name. Yesterday I lent it to a little girl of my acquaintance who thinks that Alice is just about the coolest name in the universe. Apparently she's even named the voice of her father's satellite navigation system "Alice", although she did tell me that her cuddly donkey isn't called Alice.

Anyway, I put together an imposing-looking deed that gave her the right to use my Alice, along with her other names, as long as she wanted to. We signed the document and Paul witnessed it and I gave it to her for her 7th birthday. She seemed delighted, especially once she'd realised that she didn't have to change her existing names or get rid of them. I also gave her a copy of Alice in Wonderland.

In My Day

When I was a child we lived in a road full of imposing Victorian Villas in South London. They were all on 99 year leases, with only a few years to go. When the house next door, full of sitting tenants came up for sale, Daddy jumped at the chance to earn a bit of extra cash from the lets.

In one of the ground floor flats lived two Indian men. Very quiet, they were. One of them had a head of curly hair and I frequently thought that he was female.

One day Daddy went to collect the rent and this tenant opened the door, dressed as a woman. "I have to tell, you, Mr D", he said "My doctor informs me that I am now a woman. Will you please call me Carol." My father blinked, but, after all, this was London and he'd seen a fair bit of life. So he shrugged and said OK.

Next time the rent was due the other tenant came over to pay. Also dressed in female attire. "I have to tell you, Mr D," he said "My doctor informs me that I am now a woman. Will you please call me Brenda." "What's going on?" Said Daddy. "Are you trying to avoid trouble with the Police or something? Pull the other one." But it was true - they'd both changed sex within a couple of weeks of each other.

I think that Carol got married to a man, who, I remember hearing, didn't treat her at all well.

That is rather an extreme way of changing your name, though.

Today

Finally decided that sheet ironing was a step too far and have been sending sheets and duvet covers to the laundry. Today, as we start the winter swap around, I'm also sending the Summer bedspread to the laundry and giving one blanket its annual dry-clean.

I'm collecting an amazing number of safety pins, as the laundry has stopped using those little plastic tags. And the sheets do feel nice. It's a bit of a logistical problem, sometimes, as I only have 2 of everything, so laundry visits and bed-changing have to be synchronised.

Interesting that I've reverted to linen and cotton sheets and woollen blankets after all these years of dalliance with duvets and poly-cotton.

In My Day

Our sheets and Daddy's shirts went to the laundry. Everything else Mamma did by hand. The laundry was collected and delivered once a fortnight. Dirty bedlinen was brought into the hall. A double sheet was spread out and all items put onto it. Then the corners were drawn together and tied and there you had it - a huge Whittington-esque bundle of dirty linen.

The clean laundry was delivered wrapped in brown paper. Our sheets were changed as follows:
Once a fortnight, top sheet removed and put on bottom, bottom sheet removed and sent to laundry. Which meant that sheets stayed on the bed for four weeks. I suppose we did all wear pyjamas and nighties which saved the sheets.

The sheets were pure cotton and came in white, pink, blue or green. When they got very old, they would split down the middle (I remember once hastening this process by sliding my big toenail all down one sheet). Mamma would rip the sheet down the middle and turn it round and stitch it together by the outer, stronger sides. These "sides-to-middle" sheets only ever went onto the bottom.

It's not cheap - but then, what am I working for?

Today


Decided to go back to the gym this week. The Summer's feasting has taken its toll and I've at least 12lbs to lose if I'm going to fit into that dress for the Christmas bash. So, off to the personal trainer, who put me through various forms of torture. I was pleased to discover that I haven't lost all ground in the last 6 months. I can remember many of the exercises and even do most of them.


Some of them are quite scary; especially those that involve me lying on my back on a Swiss ball - that's the gym equivalent of a Space Hopper (without the ears).


Plus, Paul and I have started playing badminton again after a nearly 2 year gap. I was horrified when Paul absolutely thrashed me last week. That's usually my privilege.


In My Day


Daddy disapproved of sports, especially for girls. He really believed that it was a choice between brawn or brain and he preferred brain any day. He took no exercise himself. My mother occasionally went swimming at the Brockwell Park Lido and tried to teach me, but I was much too scared.


Gym lessons at school were a nightmare. How exactly does one climb up a rope? I never got off the ground. I remember the day I actually managed to vault over the box - that was a fluke as I only did it once. Teachers called me lazy and sloppy; I was just frightened and had no idea how to start.


I was always the last one to be picked when teams were chosen for various games (who'd want sloppy old me in their team?).


In the playground it was even worse; girls did handstands against the school wall, or cartwheels on the field. I didn't seem to have that spring.


Once at secondary school, I developed a liaison with the art mistress, Miss Jones. "I need Julia in the art room" she'd write on a note when it was time for hockey. So I managed to avoid that particularly nasty and ugly game.


I played a passing game of netball, because I was tall and could throw and catch a ball, so I generally found myself as goal shooter because in that position you don't have to do any running.

I managed to get through school without even coming near being in any sort of team. And, once past junior school, avoided sports days altogether.


At least my Becky can still do a cartwheel as she demonstrated this summer; and she's got a degree in linguistics. Just goes to show.

Today

So there we were, on a roundabout on the A36 Warminster bypass, broken down in a Rolls Royce Silver Spirit. The car's not paying its way in Silver Service, so Paul had bunged it on eBay. We had a visit to Sussex planned. "Let's give it one last run," pleaded Paul. "Up to you," says I, "It's your petrol bill." So we set off to Sussex.

Had a lovely weekend, I sang the Verdi Requiem in Alfriston, Paul visited various folks and we went over to Arundel Terrace to look at progress on the flat.

Set off home - I had a business commitment in Bath at 7.30 - we were in good time. As Paul pulled away from the roundabout, hideous graunchings occurred and the beast refused to move away from a compromising position halfway across the roundabout in the outside lane. How the passers-by must have laughed. When they weren't cursing, that is, because we were blocking their visibility.

Paul worked out that it was probably the 1/2 shaft, phoned the AA, asked our regular garage if we could dump the car there, I called for a taxi (thank God Vodafone for the mobile phone) so that I could get home and then off out to my meeting.

In My Day

Broken down cars - where do I start? Well, back in 1972, we were running an old 1960 Humber Hawk. This car, which was a poorly sprayed cream colour, had been known to be used in criminal activities before we bought it.

From the first, it had a whining back axle. I remember drives taken home late from Eastbourne back to Brighton through the silent Peachaven hearing the regular "whop, whop" of the axle. It could be quite reassuring.

In the Summer of 1972 we decided to have a holiday in Exmoor. I'd been longing to show my favourite place to Paul, so we booked B&B at Shilstone Farm near Brendon, deposited the cats at my brothers and set off. I was extremely pregnant with Lizzie.

We arrived safely, if rather late and tired, at Shilstone. In the following days we explored the beautiful Exmoor countryside. We quickly discovered a peculiarity of the Humber - it really didn't take to 1 in 4 hills. I think we chickened out altogether on Porlock and used the Toll road.

Several times we had to try again and take a run at a hill. A Hunter's Inn we just couldn't do it at all. I scanned the map and told Paul that every way out of the valley involved a 1 in 4. Only one thing for it; as the lowest gear was reverse....... Yes, we went up the hill backwards. Remembering that this was Summertime so there were plenty of tourist about......

We'd found a nice little restaurant in Porlock and several evenings had eaten there. Towards the end of our stay we decided to have a last meal there. So off we went. Suddenly Paul said that he was losing power. He turned the car round to try to get us back home, but no good. The car died beside a little farm about 3 miles from Shilstone. We pushed it into the farmyard, scaring the hens. The farmers were extremely sweet about our dumping a car on their land - well, I was very huge and we must have looked so desperate and poverty-stricken.

We walked back to Shilstone and eventually, with the kindest of help from our hosts, took the bus back home from Lynton.

Later that Summer we hired a car and went to arrange for the Humber to be dumped legally.

At least we hadn't already sold the Rolls Royce on eBay

Today

I'm fed up. I managed to fall out of bed last week while staying in Italy. I'm certainly very bruised and am not entirely convinced that I haven't cracked a rib or so. I'm fed up because it hurts a lot and I can't do ordinary things like roll over in bed (even without falling out) and because I feel so stupid.

I have to drive to Grantham on business next Tuesday and I'm not looking forward to it one bit.

In My Day

This wouldn't be the first time I've cracked a rib. Both of the other occurrence involved egg sandwiches and were immediately before holidays.

The first time was the day before our first trip to Italy in 1996. I popped out at lunchtime to buy a sandwich. I passed a beggar sitting on the pavement, but I had no change. So I thought I'd buy the sandwich first, then I'd have some change for the beggar. I came out of the bakers clutching the sandwich and my half open purse. Crash! Straight over something or other. The sandwich went one way, the change another and my skirt flew elegantly over my head. People helped me up and gathered my change. I lost my sandwich and was certainly not in the mood to give any beggar some money. And my rib twinged all the time I was in lovely Verona.

The second was just before a trip to West Cork in 1998. I rushed to finish my work and finally cleared my desk by 2.30. Just time to buy a sandwich and dap up to the bank to get foreign money. Goody, they had nice egg and tomato sandwiches at the bakers. I bought one and hurried up the street, taking a bite as I went. Crash! There I was, on the pavement, face pillowed on the sandwich, my skirt around my waist. I scrambled up as people asked me how I was. "My sandwich!" was all I could cry. "I've lost my sandwich!" I continued up to the bank, pulling bits of egg and tomato pips out of hair. They must have thought I was mad. This time I'd cracked a rib high in my chest and couldn't even lift a cup of tea to my lips.

Do you know, some people go through their whole lives without so much a cracking a little toe?

Today

Returned after a lovely weekend in London, celebrating Becky's birthday. We did a variety of things, including going to Ronnie Scott's. On Sunday, the sun was shining so we decided to take a boat trip from Waterloo to Greenwich, plus a trip around the Thames Barrier.

Lovely trip; we ate crisps and I drank quite a lot of water. There was a cheerful commentator who had a variety of stock jokes and amazing facts about what we could see, delivered in a jaunty manner.

All in all a very nice way of seeing London, especially on a bank holiday weekend.

In My Day

In 1964 I had the excitement of meeting for the first time since I was 1, my Canadian half-sister. She came over to spend most of the summer with us and brought her eldest son, who was about 6, with her. We all got on very well; Daddy was so happy to be with the daughter he hadn't seen for 15 years and mamma was her usual fascinating self.

Although this was back in the '60's Mamma had worked out a good package for seeing Paris in less than 24 hours. Carol was very keen to go, so off they went, very early in the morning, leaving me in charge of 6-year old Mark. (I don't know where everyone else was.)

I decided that a boat trip would be just the thing. So we hopped on bus and train and bus to get to Westminster Pier. We caught the boat and headed off towards Greenwich. We passed the Houses of Parliament, London Bridge and the Tower. So exciting, I thought, until I noticed that Mark was turning green.

I hustled him off, hoping that terra firma would sort him out. The green-ness persisted and I hurried him back home. In West Norwood Station booking office he was horribly sick. Not having much experience with this sort of thing, I had come out with only one paper tissue. I mopped up what I could, but Mark didn't recover for a couple of days and Carol was distraught on her return from Paris and felt very guilty that she'd gone at all.

In fact, it's a mystery how she entrusted her son to me 13 years' later when he lived with us for 6 months as part of his European travelling experience.

Today

Shocking night last night. We climbed into bed at about 11.30, between freshly laundered linen sheets and settled down. I read a bit of my book, turned out the light and turned to my favourite position. For once it wasn't too hot. Soon, Paul started snoring. I tried various techniques to get off to sleep, but no good. Funny noises abounded. Had Abby actually gone downstairs or was she prowling about in the spare room? (Strictly forbidden!) Were those little clicking noises inside the room or outside?

Got up at 1.00 to visit the bathroom. Demanded (and got) a cuddle from the comatose Paul. Tried again, on my left side. Felt hungry. Got up at 2.45 to visit the bathroom. Tried again, on my right side.

Woke up at 6.15 - rather early, considering, but in the end, knowing that I had to leave the house at 8.00, got up bathed etc.

In My Day

Bad nights were a feature of my childhood. I'd read my books until I was dozing over the pages of Hans Christian Andersen. As soon as I put them down and turned out the light, horrors surrounded me. The trees outside waved menacingly against the lurid orange London streetlighting. Cats romped noisily in the area. The house clicked and groaned. A ghost of a little locomotive roamed around the walls of my room.

I tried more HCA - I now knew all the stories off by heart. Tried to sleep with the light on - nasty nightmares presented themselves. Better to be awake. Worst of all was when Daddy decided to go on the prowl - I'd be in big trouble for having my light on.

I can't remember either parent ever asking me why I had my light on at 3.00 am. And in the morning I was so relieved that the dreadful night was over that I didn't want to conjure up images by talking about it. I didn't even mention the train ghost until years later when my sister took over my room and talked about it at breakfast after one night in the room. (At least I wasn't mad - it was really there.)

What is impressive is that it's half past ten and I'm still conscious.

Today

My lovely little cat, Arietty died last night. Yesterday morning she was as right as rain. She'd had her supper the night before, pestered me for a cuddle during the evening as usual. During the morning Paul discovered her, apparently poisoned, having fits in the back garden. The vets did what they could - even gave her dialysis to try to get the toxins to flush away, but no good. They've just phoned with the bad news.

She was only 12 - which is no great age - and she always seemed to me to be a happy cat. She had little to fear and had the run of the field behind the house, where she hunted with great relish, supplementing what she clearly regarded as her meagre diet of Felix. She was extremely gentle, if you weren't a rodent and was the prettiest cat I've had.


In My Day

I suppose you have to get used to the idea of your pets dying before you. The first experience I had of this was when we had gerbils at the house in Rowan Avenue. 2 of them, sisters, I believe. We never tamed them and just cleaning out their little cage was quite a job as those beasts can really jump, And they also bite. Even so, I was sorry when the first one went. This was especially the case because Lizzie, aged 3, was the first to notice that one of the gerbils was stretched out on her side and because, when I went to remove her, I found the the sister, with a "waste not, want not" principle had already started to make a meal of her.

Your expect rodent pets to live a short while - little Mini, the hampster only made 2 years and Harry the Hippie, guinea pig, 3.

But your cats and dogs are really family members. They have such personalities and bring constant amusement into your life.

Arietty, thank you for all the laughter you caused me. I'm going to miss your little fluffy presence.

Today

I'm just about to cut Paul's hair. We've got one of those electric gadgets that enables you to give an all over even finish without having to have much in the way of hairdressing skills.

I'm always astonished at how much hair actually lands on the floor, given Paul's rather scanty locks. And you can't just use the machine; the bits around the ears and on the bald patch needs sorting (it's not entirely bald, you see, there are wispy longish hairs sprouting).

So, over the years I've become quite good at, so that Paul rarely visits a hairdresser.

In My Day

I remember a Byrdian Society rehearsal. We had a concert coming up, but the wife of our conductor complained about him going out yet again (she was a singer herself, but with three children under five, and had had to back off a bit, so maybe there was a little envy there).

So Colin told her that he was going out to the barbers and instead turned up at our house for the practice. A music book was thrust into one of my hands, scissors into the other and I was told to cut Colin's hair while we practised. I think I was chosen because I was the "artistic" one, so ought to be able to cut hair. I certainly had no experience and, anyway, trying to cut Colin's fine, straight, floppy hair while also attempting to sing Allegri's Miserere, was near impossibility. But he didn't dare go back home without his hair looking shorter.

Anyway, Colin's wife was absolutely furious - with the barber, that is, and stated her intention of going round to complain.

These days Colin, remarried, sports a healthy mane of white hair and, having converted to Greek Orthodoxy, has a huge patriach's beard to go with it.

Today

Actually found myself going for a run this morning. Yesterday, out for a walk with my best mates and their 10-year old. I discovered that the best way to stop him whinging was to challenge him to a race. So, for the first time since I fell over the dog in 1999, I ran along the road.

Lovely weather this morning so, at 7.30 I donned shorts and T-shirt and set off at a mixed trot, run and walk. Felt OK as well, although my buttocks ache a bit from yesterday's exertions.

Since I like to go up the lane, whether walking or running, I might just see if I can do it every day.

In My Day

I never was much of a runner - the Dixon family album features a picture of me coming last in a race at sports day with the caption "tis better to have run and lost than never to have run at all..."

Back in the '70s jogging was all the rage, so my best mate, my sister and I decided to get up every morning and jog round the housing estate. We didn't go very fast - we were able to converse, and anyway had to go at the pace of the slowest. I've no idea whether it did us any good, but I guess it was great fun for the neighbours. I do also remember that it was very boring. Endless identical houses are not as interesting as the lanes around here.

With shortish, slim, long-bodied Beverley, tallish, top-heavy, very long-legged me and the spherical Beatrice trotting along the pavements of Willingdon Trees at 6.00, there can't have been any better entertainment in town.

It just remains to be seen whether I've the will power to keep this up for more than a day or two.

Today

Rather surprised to find that I've spent a large chunk of today ironing. Given that I'm having a week off, it's doubly astonishing. Well, my ironing lady, who was never at the top of her profession, blotted her ironing board by giving the ironing to her no doubt well-meaning, but untrained daughter. Which resulted in partially ironed sheets and apparently unironed tablecloths, charged at the full £5.50 PH rate. So I decided that it isn't such a big deal, doing it yourself.

What with Paul's job meaning that he gets through about 15 shirts per week and our having 2 lots of guests last week, resulting in 4 duvet covers, 4 sheets and 12 pillow cases, ironing was rather a chore.

I got through my linen skirts, the bedding and about 8 of Paul's shirts before Paul intervened. "I can't let you iron my shirts. It's a matter of principle", he said.

In My Day

To understand why principle comes into this, we have to go back to 1979. We were living in a tiny 3 bedroomed semi with the girls (aged about 7 & 2), my sister and her soon-to-be husband and my nephew from Canada.

All adults were working full-time and keeping on top of things was quite a headache.

One day, Beatrice and I told the assembled household that we would bung into the washing machine anything that we found in the washing basket, although we would not turn people's knickers and socks inside out and that we thought that we should each take responsibility for our own ironing.

At that, Nick (Beatrice's paramour) stalked up the stairs, remarking "I am not lowering myself to do the ironing". Given that he and I were both civil servants and that I was an executive officer to his clerical officer rank, this was particularly galling.

Not that I had time to be upset. Paul waded in: "Don't you ever do any ironing for that man", he hissed. And he decided then and there that it was perfectly appropriate for a man to iron his own shirts.

So I have to thank Nick that I have got off so lightly over the years with regard to ironing.

In My Day

Spent yesterday slaving over a hot stove. I'd offered myself as cook for all the vegetarian catering for my nephew's wedding which is today.

Becky arrived the night before and Lizzie turned up in the morning. I had discovered that my "mini pimmer" made short work of nuts and breadcrumbs. Becky chopped 12 onions, I grated 9 carrots. The oven was filled with peppers, courgettes, aubergines and red onions. I directed operations while the girls made several nut loaves and cottage cheese loaves. I completed the slimy task of removing the skins from the roasted peppers and made the roasted vegetable terrine.

Later I made 4 different kinds of hummus.

Everything is ready for slicing and presentation. Plus today we must cook the stuff that doesn't keep overnight.

In My Day

On the morning of my wedding day, I could be seen walking along Western Road, Brighton, carting several carrier bags containing the food for the wedding feast. We were seriously broke but I'd splashed out on salads, cold meats, cheese, strawberries, raspberries and cream.

I went home and prepared the food. I did the strawberries and raspberries with lovely cream in individual dishes and set them out in the kitchen.

Then I scrambled into my dress and went off to my shoestring wedding (that's a subject for another blog!).

Back to our house with our family and friends to celebrate. We ate the salads and other savouries. I went out to the kitchen to collect the piece de resistance - the desserts. Our kitchen was in the process of being done up and had no door. As I approached I heard a little thump and saw my cat Ariadne running off down the passage. When I got to the kitchen - there were the desserts, but no sign of cream. All of it was inside Ariadne.

What to do? Nothing for it - I served the dessert without the cream and said nothing. In fact I said nothing for several years until it became apparent that no-one had suffered any ill effects.

Actually I should stop time wasting and get on with making the spinach and cream cheese roulades.

Today

It was my 34th wedding anniversary on Saturday. So we buzzed off to Meare Manor for a very nice dinner. We went with one of my brothers, his wife and youngest boy, my other sister in law and 2 dear friends. We put on our smarties, hired ourselves a minibus and were very jolly.

The location was lovely, a pretty manor (possibly Jacobean), close to the village street, with a pretty garden in which we sat to have pre-dinner drinks. We had a gift of a beautiful plate and matching dishes from Brother David (will go very well in flat 2, no 9) and drank champagne.

The meal was just right, served in a graceful dining room by friendly waitresses. We drank some good Sancerre and a Portuguese red wine. We relaxed at our table after the meal and the conversation flowed fast and freely.

Got home at about 1.30, having felt that we'd truly celebrated.

In My Day

I don't recall our first wedding anniversary, but then I was heavily pregnant with Lizzie and we probably didn't go out. I do remember our 2nd. We got a baby-sitter for 9 month-old Lizzie. We went to a highly recommended restaurant called the Horseshoe in Herstmonceux. It was a heavily faked half-timbered building that got its name from the fact that the entrance was shaped like a horseshoe.

We were ushered straight into a vast barn-like dining room where there were about 3 other diners. Waiters and acolytes rushed up to our table. I don't remember the whole meal, although I do remember one part which involved flambeing something or other at the table.

What I do remember is that the service was so fast we had barely put down our forks when the next stage arrived and we were done and dusted by about 9.00 .

There didn't seem to be a "coffee in the lounge" option, so there we were, on the street, so to speak, with no idea of how we were going to spend the rest of the evening.

Our babysitter got off early, though

Today

Recovering this morning from a cracking evening at Ston Easton Park yesterday. This was our "deal meal" - all the management team and partners. Lovely grub, much champagne and wine were drunk and the conversation veered from the quiet and gentle to the raucous and back again.

Paul took some of us in the Daimler. Definitely felt the part as we swirled up to the door in silver elegance.

On the way back, I succumbed to the combined effects of alcohol, food and a long day, having been in Sheffield earlier. I went to sleep. Much raucous laughter from the occupants of the back seat as I swayed around, probably snoring.

In My Day

I am a master at falling asleep in cars. When I was doing the computerisation of PAYE training, back in 1985, I was still a learner driver. I had to travel to the training centre in Southampton from Eastbourne each week and, when I could, blagged lifts from my Sussex-dwelling colleagues.

My colleague Bill had an Austin Healey Sprite. One of the those ancient cars that some men own and love, and consider very cool. I persuaded Bill to give me a lift back on one occasion. I warned him that I always fall asleep when a passenger in a car. "Not in mine!", he said. "It's far too uncomfortable."

We crammed our luggage into the back of the car where it poked into my back. There wasn't nearly enough room for my exceptionally long legs. And Bill had the top off.

We set off. Next thing I knew we were at Arundel, when Bill had to stop to put the top on because it was raining. Yup! I'd snoozed the whole way. Bill talked about it for months.

Anyway, I regard sleeping in the car as a tribute to the smoothness of the driver.

Today

Over the weekend we went back to Sussex, this time to celebrate the 18th birthday of my best mates' middle daughter. We had a jolly friendly meal at the Tudor House in Alfriston and were priviledged to be the only non-direct-family people there. Well, we do feel like Auntie & Uncle to all those kids!

The following day we agreed to collect our friends' elderly parents from their house in Willingdon so that we could continue feasting at our friends' house.

Tried to remember where the parents lived. "Oh, I'll recognise it," said I "It looks like Little Grey Rabbit's house."

In My Day

How I loved to read Little Grey Rabbit when I was a child. I don't know how old I was when I started, but I know I was still reading them in my teens.

The inner covers, back and front showed the picture of the house with its pointy roof. I never questioned the alternative reality the books showed and somehow the portayal of the characters coloured how I judged these animals to be in reality.

The sensible Rabbit, flighty Squirrel, restless Hare and wise but frightening Owl (he was, after all, a predator). And why should Hedgehog have been the milkman?

RSVP will always mean "Rat shan't visit party" and I often wondered how you made a cowslip ball.

My favourite was Moldy Warp the Mole who took them all on a treasure hunt underground. Most of the animals waited outside in the fields and Alison Uttley gave a truly unsettling description of dusk deepening to night and the fear of the animals.

Anyway, we found the house which was similar, except it has half-timbering.

Today

Panic because Paul couldn't find the Bentley keys. He'd done a wedding with both the Bentley and the Daimler (its first outing), and, when he came to put the keys away, only had those for the Daimler in his hand. Was very hot and bothered, so decided to come home and have another look on Friday.

He phoned me at work - "I can't find the keys anywhere and they're the only ones I've got and I've another wedding on Saturday". Decided not to rail at the fact that he hadn't got around to getting a spare set and started to talk him through the sequence of events of the day before. Had he gone outside the garage after parking the Bentley? How was it that, if he'd parked the Daimler first, that he hadn't already put away the Daimler keys, and so on. Had he gone back to the Daimler after parking the Bentley? Not sure. Nothing in either boot, glove lockers etc.

Occasional seats - they were used, weren't they as there were quite a few bridesmaids? Could keys have got tucked into them when they were folded up?

Certainly could. Genius! There they were! "What would I do without you, you've saved my life, etc, etc, etc"

In My Day

In the days when having a Bentley, even in the way of business, was an impossible dream, Paul ran a frightful Vauxhall Victor estate. He'd hand painted it in white domestic paint in an effort to spruce it up, so it was really smart.

Lost the keys one day. Had no idea where they might be. Looked everywhere. This was before we were married or living together so I couldn't really search through his parent's flat or his underwear drawers.

How were we to drive anywhere? Easy. This was an ancient car, after all. Paul simply hotwired it every time we had to go anywhere. How about getting in and out of the car? Well, although the driver and passenger doors resisted attempts to be forced, the tailgate was much easier. So, in order to go anywhere, Paul first had to crawl into the car from the back end, open the boot catch, crawl back out, hotwire the car, crawl back into the car and we were off!

It rather inhibited our ability to go anywhere looking smart, but then we were a long way before smart. Paul had what was then a wardrobe staple, a black needlecord jacket. Rather ancient and needing much steaming and pressing before it was wearable. He wore it anyway. I attained by means of getting married, the priviledged position of being able to perform this enviable task. What could this be, rattling around in the lining? (The pockets were long since shot to pieces.) Could it be the keys?

Certainly could.

Which kicked off a lifetime together of Paul assuming that I know where everything is. And I have to say, I usually do.

Today

I've been sitting in the garden with Paul, watching the stars come out. Some years we have almost no evenings where we can sit outside at 11.00 pm and not feel chilly. Tonight we watched the first stars appear, the bats fly about removing mosquitoes and craneflies. We gently sipped white wine, talked and generally enjoyed being together.

We're fortunate this summer so far, with a couple of warm weeks in June (regrettably some spent at the TSI conference in Brighton) and some more lovely weather now.

It's something we should really be enjoying. Who knows what's in store?

In My Day

Obviously, I recall lovely weather as a child. I'm not one of those who think that every childhood day was warm and lovely. Too much of a realist, I'm afraid. But I do remember the heatwave of 1959. I recall days when it was hot enough to play under the hosepipe. Days when my skin crackled and peeled with the sun. I remember the walk to Haydon's Ball in baking sun. We were all carrying overcoats just in case, so it was a real trek. I recall the canvas "shelter" which we would erect in the garden to shade us and our tea from the sun and wasps. I recall the teas with sandwiches and cake eaten in the garden.

What I don't recall are any after dark summer experiences. I don't think that Mamma and Daddy sat outside as we do, gazing at the sky or enjoying the warm midnight air. Being in London meant the stars were all but invisible which might have been the reason.

Anyway, I saw 3 stars before deciding to come in.

Today

Finding myself in possession of a sum well in excess of £1 million, with more to come, after the disposal of my company, I find myself reflecting about what such a sum means to me and how it will change my life view. I feel absolutely no different. I'm not inspired to spend vast sums on irrelevant jewellery or a yacht. I don't yearn to mix with footballers' wives or other vacuous celebrities.

I'm thinking with excitement of our lovely Brighton flat, especially after it's been lovingly restored with the help of my friend John. I'm thinking how I can free my Lizzie so that she can do her last year at uni without also working 30 hours a week, and maybe gain that first she so richly deserves. I'm hoping to enjoy the next 30 years, but not arrive at age 90 or so either destitute or still with 2 million in the bank which neither I nor my friends and family have enjoyed.

So not exactly the "spend, spend, spend" mentality.

In My Day

I remember the day when we had twelve and a half pence. I had no money at all and Paul was waiting for his first month's pay as a bus driver (payable in arrears).

In the house we had some butter and an onion. I went to the shop and bought some potatoes, some packet soup and a very small tin of cat food for my cat.

We ate soup and boiled potatoes for lunch. We had baked potato and onion fried in butter for supper. And Ariadne the cat got to eat.

I've absolutely not forgotten those days, nor the way that our friends and family shared what we had. It would be seriously bad manners to let my folk struggle when I can give them a hand.

Today

Back from another Sussex weekend. Initially because our friend Derek was celebrating his 70th birthday and we were invited to the bash. We set off on Friday because we also hoped to take some time to have a another look at our lovely flat.

We met John at the flat and, yes, it was really lovely. The bedrooms & kitchen are places to cook and sleep, but the drawing room with its beautiful mouldings and French doors overlooking the sea.......

We gained access this time to the Kemp Town enclosures, to which we'll be given a key as soon as we become resident and sign up to the annual maintenance. 5 acres of private garden without ever having to lift a pair of secateurs? Rather!

I found the tunnel that goes from the Enclosures under Marine Drive to the Esplanade at Black Rock.

In My Day

Walking along the Undercliff Walk was a standard feature of visits to Brighton. Sometimes we would get the Volks railway, sometimes we walked the whole way from the station, past the Clock Tower and the Old Steine. There was graffiti on the walls in those days, too, largely done with the pieces of chalk that lay about on the path. After seeing a "A loves B" bit of writing, Beatrice, aged about 8, wrote in large letters "I love my Daddy".

Marine Drive was then, as now, shored up with huge walls. Some, at the Madeira Drive end, had arcades and shelters. I was fascinated by the life in those walls. Little shops and businesses like mole's homes. Benches and shelters for those who couldn't cope with the long walk in howling winds. The walls were mostly brick or concrete, but every now and then there were facades with gated entrances.

Only now do I realise that the most ornate of them was the entrance to the enclosures.

Sort of a full circle, really

Today

Still V excited about the new flat. Spoke to my friend John and asked him if he'd be interested in overseeing the restoration project (he's good at that sort of thing) at a local level. He said "I'm your man!" Am going to look at it again on Saturday.

The trouble is, it's easy to get sidetracked into thinking that that lampshade or candleholder would look great. And we don't even know how we're going to decorate it. I do know, having looked up Thomas Kemp on the Internet, that the development dates from the 1820's, so that gives us a clue.

Saw a beautiful bed in a catalogue today. It's intricately carved mahogany, painted white in French chateau style. Very Directoire and I love it! It'll be months before the flat is ready to receive such an item.

In My Day

Eventually, we decided that the iron bedstead and flock mattress had to go. This was after Paul had leapt onto the bed one evening, shouting "Geronimo!" and one corner of the frame gave way entirely. We couldn't afford to pay outright for a new bed, so I ordered one from a friend's catalogue. I chose kingsize because we are biggish chaps.

This item was delivered into the entrance hall of the flats in Belmont in Brighton while I was at work. We were in a top flat, up many steep stairs. If the bed base hadn't divided into two, we'd've had to sleep on the landing. And to manhandle a kingsize mattress up those stairs was an amazing feat. I've an idea I did it alone.

The bed supplied us with unheard-of luxury and we slept on it until the springs began to poke through, twenty years later.

I don't think I'd like to go back to those poverty-stricken days, but it does put things into perspective, remembering them.

Today

The most exciting thing about this week has been the proposed purchase of a flat in Brighton. Not to move into, but as a "pied a mer", so to speak. This dream that we've had for a while has been made possible by the sale of my business. Last week, in the boiling hot weather, we trekked from flat to flat to town house to flat. We've made up our minds to a Kemptown sea front first floor Georgian flat, scruffy, but with plenty of original features to restore and lots of space.

Our offer's been accepted, and, if all is well, the purchase will be completed by the end of July.

We've had the pleasure of being able to be as choosy as we like, and will be able to have heaps of fun selecting just the right furniture etc for it.

In My Day

I remember our first flat together in Brighton. Not a bad place, on a three year lease, near Seven Dials. It was on the top floor and had a large lounge, one enormous bedroom and two smaller ones. There was an OK bathroom and small kitchen.

When we moved in we had:

A very old sofa bed, lent to us by our friends the Levetts, the oak dining table that we still have, an ancient iron bedstead with flock mattress, courtesy of my brother, 4 very assorted chairs, a folding card table and mismatched hi-fi bits. Oh, and a 2-ring Baby Belling cooker.

I had my sewing machine and I made curtains for the lounge sitting at the card table. Later we carpeted the bathroom, using carpet samples. The flat had very old-fashioned night storage heaters, that looked like tanks lined up against the walls. We just about coped with those until the 3-day week, when power cuts at various times of day prevented the booster re-heating the bricks.

When Lizzie was born I put my maternity allowance towards a spin-dryer and we made our first foray into HP, buying a fridge, lounge carpet and gas fire. How we trembled about the repayments! We never raised enough money to carpet the large bedroom.

We lived there for three years and loved Brighton the town.

I'm so excited about the prospect of Brighton second time around!

Today

I've been in Brighton all week at a conference. The weather's been boiling hot and I've had to wear smart suits and try not to look as though I'm sweating freely when visitors came to our stand. People said, "what beautiful weather", and I said, "I haven't seen it yet!"

One the day's work is done, there is the pleasure of being in Brighton with all its lovely cafes and street scene. Partly for this reason and partly because of the proximity of friends and relations, Paul likes to accompany me.

Our bedroom at The Metropole purported to have airconditioning, which at no time purported to be actually working. Our room overlooked the back and was overshadowed by other tall buildings, so not a breath of air ever made it into the room.

So sleep was a fitful affair and taken lying starkers on top of the bed.

In My Day

Which takes me back to the Brighton conference in 1994. Equally hot, maybe more so. Our hotel (The Old Ship) didn't even pretend about the aircon. One night, after a particularly pleasant evening involving a fair amount of alcoholic intake, we went to bed hotter than ever. Middle of the night, I need to use the facilities. So, barely conscious, I stagger, starkers, out of bed and make for what I believed to be the bathroom door. I open the door and find myself staring down a long corridor with a carpet that I don't recognise. A voice from behind me says "What are you doing?" "Going to the loo," says I. "Well, the bathroom's that way!" explains my rather more wide awake spouse. I shut the main bedroom door and do what I have to do.

By the time I got back to bed I was fully awake and running a variety of "Carry On" scenarios through my head. What if the bedroom door had closed behind me? What if Paul hadn't been with me? How would I have got back into the room? Visions of me, naked, carrying a pot plant to hide myself, or ripping down curtains to drape around me while I woke up the night porter horrified me for the rest of night.

Which explains why I like to take Paul with me on these bashes.

Today

Some more about the Silverstone jaunt

Although this June is still beastly chilly, there is at least some sunshine. So on Saturday Becky and I put on summer skirts, both in trendy black and white. I really like my skirt which is a slightly mad affair, cut in a fullish A-line over a white net underskirt.

Felt rather special in our rather special car. Only problem, given that I wasn't wearing tights, was that my legs felt scratchy with sitting on the net and I had little miniature criss-cross lines all over my thighs.

In My Day

I remember the great late '50's fashion for net underskirts. These skirts were separate from the main skirt (so you could have several skirts to one underskirt). They were intended to be visible, especially when you went jiving. Mine was lemon yellow and I loved it. It had several layer of net and some yellow lace, for good measure. I wore it under full-skirted shirtwaister dresses, mainly. There were rather hard to care for and magazines gave all sorts of advice on how to restore that desirable scratchy stiffness after washing. We weren't used as a nation to these sorts of fabrics (stiffness was generally reserved for cotton shirt collars and fronts and involved starch which clearly wasn't going to work here). The most bizarre was the recommendation that you rinse them in sugar. The water would evaporate, leaving behind the crunchy sugar, was the theory.

I didn't dare try that one, for fear of stickiness and of attracting lots of wasps. So I think the underskirt just got greyer and greyer.

They do say that fashion repeats itself.

Today

We went to Silverstone today in the Bentley to mark the 50th anniversary of the launch of the Bentley S series. Our beautiful 1958 (OK, not quite a demi-centagenerian) silver S1 Bentley handled the dual carriageways to the manor born. We gathered alongside other Bentleys, from the "WOs" (meaning, Paul told me, those manufactured under the great man's direction) to a new Phantom. We chatted to other Bentley owners and enjoyed the sunshine.

Gracious beasts, the S class Bentleys, with their lovely voluptuous lines and imposing size. The Rubens of the car world. We all set off sedately around the race track while a scattering of spectators filmed and waved.

After a nice sushi picnic we drove home, this time via A & B roads through delightful Berkshire and Wiltshire towns and villages. We saw 3 white horses - Pewsey, Devizes and Westbury. "Just like motoring was in the '50s" sighed Paul joyfully.

In My Day

I'm not a regular visitor to racetracks and take no interest in the sport on TV. And it's only with the acquisition of the Bentley that I've even become interested in cars as any kind of hobby.

Back in the '60s my boyfriend Bob used to take me to the banger and stock car racing. That used to be some fun. Racing cars, after all, all look much alike. But these cars were as varied as the owners cared to make them and nobody much minded how bashed-up they got as they were all pretty well bashed up before they got there.

So the event was more for the entertainment value than anything else. I remember that the noise and smell were appalling but that I used to feel very jolly after seeing all these otherwise no-hope wrecks deliver their swan-songs on the dirt track.

I really hope that the Bentley doesn't come to such a sticky end.

Today

Took a lovely walk with Paul up the lane last night. I noticed (and photographed) the beautiful campion. The hedgerows were very lush and green (plentiful rain does have some virtues). Everything was especially fragrant: the elderflower, remains of the hawthorn, crushed wild garlic leaves, philadelphus in people's gardens. Regrettably, the farm was also fragrant in its own special way.

Did Paul appreciate this? Not at all; he was too busy sneezing. The hayfever season's started. Each year we say "it's not too bad this year" then off he goes. Anti-histamines seem to give him every possible side-effect and turn him into a homicidal maniac to boot. Even those that claim not to make you sleepy, have him snoozing in seconds and as for tried and trusted Piriton - he passes out for days.

When I'm feeling especially wicked, I think that he somehow enjoys the sneezing. I know this can't be true, but they are certainly a great show. On occasions he even works up to a sneeze and nothing happens! And he's not alone; Lizzie sneezes almost constantly with almost no provocation and Becky does seasonal rhinitis with the best of them.

In My Day

I remember Paul once saying to me, back in about 1974 "I really enjoy a good sneeze." Then came the hot summer of 1976. The one us old 'uns all talk about. Day after day of hot, dry weather. No point in going to bed before 1.00 AM - too hot indoors. We used to lie out on the lawn at 33 Rowan Avenue until the small hours. In Eastbourne, at least, there was also a constant warmish wind - a sort of Khamsin.

When Paul started to sneeze, we assumed that it was a cold, but as time wore on and the sneezing didn't wear off, we realised it was hayfever. As a dutiful wife I tried all kinds of things to help: Spraying the bedroom with a mister, damping the pillows, using an air filter (which roared gently all night), closing windows, opening windows, recommending baths and various forms of treatments.

Over the years Paul has tried: anti-histamines of all flavours, injections of allergens supposed to desensitise you (oh he was bad after that attempt), nasal sprays, drops and oils, herbal treatments, flannels over the face, masks, menthol cigarettes, oxygen inhalation, alternative therapies, homoeopathy, alcohol, ignoring it. Nothing seems to make any difference.

Yet he says he loves the summer; his birthday is in June and he's generally in the thick of the sneezing and sniffling during whatever celebration is on offer. You'd think he'd welcome the trend towards the chillier, damper summers.

Ah well, I told him yesterday that he'll probably be over it by the time he's 100.

Today

I'm hanging about, waiting for my Nephew to arrive for the weekend. I'm also waiting for Liz & Aron who are coming over to say "hello" and have breakfast. Paul is doing a wedding. I've tidied up, made James and Claire's bed. I dashed out when I saw a Ford Focus turning in the close - not them, but my new neighbour, who obviously thought I was a curtain twitcher. It's absolutely bucketing down with rain, which is a good sign. I can't seem to be like those people who just get on with their day and seem slightly surprised, if delighted, to see you when you arrive.

I get to the point where I'm perched on the edge of the sofa, watching the clock. Should I call them to make sure they're OK? No, that seems like nagging; I'm sure they'll be here soon. Now that I've deleted my computer games, I can't so easily pass away a few minutes.

Eventually, Liz & Aron arrive, bearing breakfast. Then, James, Claire and Anna. They've actually stopped for breakfast on the way, but don't seem averse to toast and tea.

In My day

I like inviting people around and it seems that I've spent a fair bit of my life in the waiting limbo. Guests divide into those who are more or less on time, those who are always late and those who are always late but phone to tell you.

Our best mates are masters at late arriving. We have learnt to love them despite this little habit. They have several time entirely failed to arrive (although they usually manage to phone up to apologise roughly at the time they should have got here). Once they arrived a day late. I remember laying bets with Paul as to whether they would actually turn up at all on one occasion.

Once, while visiting them, we gained an insight into why this might be. Something had been said about a trip into town. We got up in comfortable time for the jaunt. Made tea, drank it, ate toast. People began to drift into the kitchen in various not quite dressed states. Paul was already in his coat. More tea was made, breakfast was prepared. Paul took off his coat. We sat and chatted. People wandered off to get dressed. Sometime later (it was already about 1.00pm) people drifted back down. Paul put his coat back on. Music was put on, phone calls were made, some little job on the computer was done. More tea was made. I don't think we ever got out at all.

Once we turned up at their house for dinner. They seemed, as usual, delighted to see us, although, also as usual, didn't seem especially prepared for us. Offered us tea. Later on offered us biscuits. Became clear they'd forgotten about the dinner date. We bought fish & chips on the way home.

Had a lovely weekend with my nephew, though.

Today

Rushed home tonight as there was a meeting of the Police Community Support Officers' Steering Group. Rapidly heated up some home-made cauliflower soup (very good and actually made of cauliflower leaves left over after yesterday's cauliflower cheese) and poured it rapidly down my throat. Grabbed the minutes and agendas I'd taken time to prepare. Quickly checked my emails - meeting cancelled.

Mixture of relief and irritation. All that work to no purpose AND I'll be away on the revised date. My stomach glooped with hastily eaten soup. On the other hand, an evening at home during which I could do important things like watch "The Bill" and start the next issue of the Parish Council Newletter ("The Lychgate") of which I'm rather vain.

From which you will gather that I sit on committees. Not so many as I used to - I've ditched being choir secretary after 15 years ("You can't!", they all cried. To which I replied "Watch me.") and was voted out of being wine circle secretary. But I do sit on the Parish Council and hold the PCSO portfolio.

In My Day

My mother was a great organiser. She and Daddy ran the Henry Wood Gramophone Circle (To raise funds to rebuild the Queen's Hall, but that's another story). This group met every three weeks at our house to listen to music on gramophone records. It was a great day when they migrated from 78's to long play (none of that changing of discs every 4 minutes). Mamma and Daddy would prepare a programme along symphony concert lines, write programme notes, print the programme and present the music.

They ran a chess circle at one time. My main memory of this was the float they put into the local Festival of Britain parade, with live chess players - my father yelling out the moves, with Mamma and ANother playing a real chess game as a centrepiece.

Mamma was an illustrious member of the Townswomen's Guild. She was chairwoman of the local branch and trotted up to AGMs at the Albert Hall most years, where she would frequently make speeches. She was very scathing about the WI (surely just the rural equivalent), especially their adoption of "Jerusalem" as their theme song. I've lost count of the initiatives she started or got involved in. The Croydon Millennium celebrations, fetes and fund-raising events, lecture tours and group holidays abroad. She absolutely loved it. No wonder it was difficult for her to find time to do housework.

Anyway, I had an evening off tonight.