Today

Still off sick, so spent some time yesterday sorting out picture disks. These covered photos taken on Paul's SLR between 2001 and 2003. I decided to check the contents of each disk so that I could reliably label them.

Never, never again will I let myself get to that size! I looked at the 2001 and 2002 pictures with horror. Did I really have that extra chin? Massive front? Huge rear? I remember now why "Diet Trials" was such a life-saver. I have always been a careful dresser and it's not that the pictures show me wearing frightful clothes that should never have rolled off a production line, let alone be bought and worn. (You know like those "before" pictures that show the now successful slimmer wearing some shorts and a T-shirt on holiday that show they weren'tonly fat but certifiable.)

No, it's the pictures of me in my smarties that make me shudder even more. I didn't at the time feel especially ugly; there were enough indications that I was even considered by quite a few chaps to be attractive, but I was truly large. Chins! Uggh!

It is a continual struggle to maintain the weight I achieved 2 years ago; in fact, I'm a little over it at the moment (not for much longer, though!). People who organise these diet plans (WW included, it must be said) forget to mention that it's a lifelong thing. Losing the weight's only a quarter of the battle.

It's not a new thing for me; since I was 18 I've continually struggled to keep to a reasonable size. It's only thanks to that effort that I haven't got even bigger. It would have been so easy.

In My Day

According to my Mother I had fat everywhere it was possible to have fat when I was born, at 10lbs. I was born a few days' late, being suspicious about what privations might await me in the outside world, I'd obviously been stocking up. So far, so good. But I continued as a fat child (as did my sister; my brothers were both skinny streaks). I can remember how uncomfortable it made me, certainly from the time I started school. It attracted adverse comments, not just from my peers (and I never developed equipment to deal with their taunts), but also from the teachers when I could'nt keep up with the simplest sports or exercise.

My mother used to weigh herself regularly at the chemists; she would report a weight of around 15st with no apparent concern. Certainly she never mentioned dieting and I can't remember any restraint being advised at our generously loaded dinner tables. We didn't eat badly; we had fresh, home cooked meals with lots of veg and there was always a fruit bowl. However, I also remember being permitted to eat suger sandwiches and crisp sandwiches!

We children bought sweets once a week with our sixpence pocket money; the trick there was to buy as much for the money as possible, which meant halfpenny chews, sherbert dip, liquorice strings. Chocolate was far too expensive. Sweets were also bought on occasions when we sat down to play family games (Monopoly could last for hours). Either Daddy or one of the boys would walk up to the Cinema (the only place open on a Sunday afternoon that had sweets) and buy toffees. This would keep you going as you watched your older brother buy up all the hotels and fleece everybody that passed through.

Add to this the fact that exercise was positively discouraged and you have it.

So, the bandwaggon rolls on with me still counting points and battling to stay at size 12. Summer's coming and the loft's full of clothes that I could wear 2 years ago. I will wear them this year!