Monday, July 04, 2016

Mother

Today

Someone posted one of those little sayings on Facebook today: "No matter how old you are, the first person you want to talk to when you're upset is your Mum".

"Not me", I said to Paul.

In My Day

Mamma was not an overtly emotional person. I don't remember cuddles and kisses being part of my childhood landscape. But she wasn't forbidding, either. She was pretty laissez-faire about many things and I don't think she ever shouted at me or smacked me.

But I also don't remember confiding in her, either. What I'm not sure about is whether this is saying things about me or about her. Maybe my siblings can shed some light.

I had a few things to contend with in my childhood, some abuse that is now common knowledge, bullying at primary school, over and above the normal things that upset children. so why didn't I talk to my mother about these things?

I was a very chatty person (still am!) and contrived to appear very open, whilst concealing everything. I have mentioned before in these blogs that Mamma realised that I was "secretive"; should she have probed more? She herself was keeping many of the details of her experiences in Nazi Germany close to her chest, so she might have seen that this is sometimes necessary and respected my privacy.

On the other hand, I was a child; and maybe could have used some help. Who knows, perhaps she was wise enough to see that I was developing the strength to deal with challenges without needing support. While this has proved true in my case, it was a chancy strategy and resulted in a sense of childhood isolation, despite being in a big family. 

What I do know is, that I reached my 60th year without really confiding my problems or anxieties to anyone. These days my daughters do, indeed, talk to me when they're upset and I now do the same to them. And I hope that Becky and Carmen will be able to share their hopes and fears as time goes on.

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