Having it all

Today

For both parents to be able to continue working after the birth of their children, several things need to fall into place. Your health, ability to hold down a job, the health of the child, reliable childcare are all essential components. In fact, a house of cards, one might think.

In My Day

After Lizzie was born, I called the council for a list of childminders and was given details of one. She didn't live too far away and I went to see her. She seemed a little on the elderly side but otherwise good enough to my inexperienced eyes.

Just before I was ready to return to work I received a letter from this woman. She'd broken her arm severely and couldn't commit to caring for a newborn for at least six weeks. This was a disaster! I called the council again and they gave me details of a local co-ordinator, a very vigorous-sounding woman. "I'm full up", she told me "Although I might squeeze her in for a few days. I know! There's a child-minder I know of who de-registered because her kindness had been abused by previous clients. You sound alright to me - I'll call her and see if she'll change her mind."

In this way we were introduced to the amazing Pat Bird. She was mother to five sons. Shortly before Christmas we tucked Lizzie up in her nice carry-cot and made our way to the Bird's ground floor and basement maisonette in the Lewes Road in Brighton. Pat was a small, bustling woman who, we later discovered, had overcome an abused childhood and created a solid marriage and family. Her three youngest sons were sitting at the table with some friends, making Christmas decorations with an air of disciplined enjoyment that was impressive.

She looked at Lizzie and gave in immediately. "You needn't worry", she said "I won't just leave her in the pram; she'll get taken out to the park and shops and have lots of "talkies" and cuddles." This was reassuring and started a relationship which lasted until we left Brighton three years later. I relied more on Pat's good sense and experience that on my mother's. The whole family offered Lizzie much love; the boys were delighted to have a girl in their midst and she repaid them by rewarding them with her first smiles.

When, during a measles outbreak at the Birds, I used the original childminder for a week and discovered that she did, indeed, leave the baby in the pram all day, I realised what a lucky break her broken arm had been.

Over the years many people have attacked my being a working mother on the grounds of wanting to"have it all". Looking back at this crazy balancing act, I realise that it was more a matter of trying to do it all, and that's a great deal harder.