Thursday, November 07, 2013

Needs Must

Today

Carmen is eleven weeks old and today Becky went off to work for a refresher day which her firm organises for staff on maternity leave so that they are not too far behind when they go back.

Becky emailed me "I haven't reached the station yet - I'm finding this very hard..." I advised her to try and put Carmen-thoughts into a box for the day. "It's what I had to do when I went back to work so early".

In My Day

With Lizzie's birth date being so far beyond the expected date, I had to return to work when she was barely seven weeks old. Without my earnings we couldn't even pay the rent as there was no maternity pay beyond the Civil Service's two months and a lump sum maternity allowance (which I'd spent on a spin dryer). 

So I deposited her with a child-minder  whom I hardly knew and caught the train from Brighton into work at Worthing. My work was in the Enforcement Office of the Inland Revenue and I didn't need a refresher day; nothing had changed, except maybe the files had accumulated a little more dust.

How strange it all felt. I was still partly breast-feeding Lizzie and at intervals throughout the day I trotted off to the ladies with my pump and bottles all full of sterilising solution. I don't think I told anyone what I was doing and didn't think to ask whether I could use the rather more salubrious and private sick room. I did learn to put Lizzie-thoughts aside during the day and work-thoughts aside at evenings and weekends; if I hadn't I'd have gone potty.

What fascinates me when I look back at that time was the almost total lack of support. I know that going back to work for me had a great deal of the "needs must where the devil drives" about it, although I also felt it was right on principle. I think I knew that support might be lacking because of the level of criticism I received. "I can't see why you have a baby if you're going to farm her out!" said one woman tartly to me. I was ill-equipped to explain my situation or the fact that I wasn't "Farming" her out; I was merely finding someone to care for her while I earned enough money to keep a roof over our heads.

I think I kept my head down and ploughed on, hoping for the best. And I suppose the best was what I got, with a child-minder who turned out to be a treasure, an ability to maintain my financial independence throughout my life, and beautiful, loving daughters who have brought me much joy.

I have confidence in Becky's ability to manage all these things with a great deal more aplomb than I did, although I bet she's enjoying being reunited with Carmen right now!

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