Clear Out

Today

My best friend has been recently struggling with the task of clearing her mother's house, following her move into residential care. Stuff that looks in good condition and has given sterling service is no good to anybody and some of it contravenes modern safety regulations. Other things trigger memories and are hard to part with, even when you know they'll probably end up in the loft or garage and never be looked at again.

Dealing with the detritus of a long life is always somewhere between heart-breaking and touching. What makes it doubly hard in  this case is that my friend is an only child, so there are no siblings with whom to share both the emotions and responsibility in an equal way.

In My Day

I've had to do this task twice, once after Mamma died and once when Paul's Mum went into residential care. After Mamma died we made an immediate disposal of items and agreed to meet up a couple of weeks later for a thorough sort-out. What made getting through that day possible was that we four siblings somehow managed to turn the event into a jamboree, with laughter and silly family jokes and a decent lunch out. So the weight of the task was lifted by being shared.

And as for the stuff itself, there have been some strange relics. I took all Mamma's baking trays, but eventually realised that they were wonky and grimy beyond redemption and that new ones would cost about 75p each from the supermarket. And I still have and have used her wooden darning "mushrooms". For years David used the old "double saucepan" that Mamma used for making porridge. This bottom section of the object was never washed and was encrusted with forty years' worth of lime deposits. When David eventually announced he was throwing it out there was a family outcry and I think Beatrice took it to plant pansies in. 

When Tricia went into residential care, the job was shared with Paul's sister and nephew. Paul and I had carried out a huge sort-out about a year previously, so that there was less pure junk than there might have been. On the other hand we had to decide what Mum might like to have in her tiny room and as she had been in a council flat we didn't have the luxury of much time.

Mum had absolutely loads of clothes - some of them representing chic purchases made in the '60s or '70s, others dating from her post-retirement scavenging forays into charity shops. Once we'd selected items suitable for Mum's new life we bagged  up the rest to take to the charity shop. Jenny and I drove to the Langney Shopping Centre to dispose of the stuff. The carpark was fairly full and we had to park well away from the centre and at the top of a slope. I suggested to Jenny that we use a shopping trolley to transport the stuff. Jenny got a trolley and we started loading up. As I turned to close the boot of the car, the full trolley escaped and careered down the slope toward to centre entrance. The sight of Jenny (who's not especially fleet of foot) dashing after this trolley, trying to grab it before it smashed into a car or person was silly enough to make us both laugh and get companionably on with the rest of the task.

After this kind of experience, you swear that you won't allow your house to harbour useless clutter to save your children from this heartbreak job, but I suspect that for many of us it will be another thing that we never quite get round to. And your children will have to decide what goes and what is dumped and you won't be able to do anything about it.