Speak up

Today

There's an old question: which would you rather be? Deaf or blind? For most people there's no choice: deaf is better. Paul's hearing seems to be deteriorating - he doesn't always realise it but he often bends his head sideways to catch what I'm saying and he's confused when there's a lot of background noise, finding it hard to pick out specifics. I guess it's a normal part of ageing, but it's irritating for sufferer and others alike. And that's the thing: it's seen as an irritant, something that makes you foolish, even something to laugh at.

So it was salutary to be among my nephew's new in-laws, both of whom are deaf, one profoundly from birth, at the recent family wedding. Father-in-law made the usual speech, with a signer to interpret for his deaf friends and Jacob gracefully included signing in his groom's speech.

We visited their beautiful home the following day and felt welcome, not awkward. It was a new experience for me to see them with a group of friends, all chatting away in complete silence. The point is, the quality of their lives didn't seem at all lessened and I felt privileged to be among such warm and creative people.

In My Day

I suppose Daddy began to go deaf during his '60's. We were heartless, as children often are, laughing about Daddy's "selective deafness" and treating it as though it was a choice he'd made, rather than an affliction. Given that his profession was as a shorthand reporter, it was absurd to imagine that he'd go without hearing for the dubious reward of being able to ignore unwanted requests. After he had his stroke, at the age of seventy-four, his hearing deteriorated very rapidly. He did wear a hearing aid, items that were of dubious value then, although they're much improved now.

He suffered in much the same way as Paul: confused when there was a hubbub. One-to-one, conversation could be carried on much as usual, although louder. He grieved very much over the loss of enjoyment in music - it gradually began to sound like a meaningless cacophony - but otherwise took to beaming silently when we were all gatherd around him, happy to be a little cut off.

The other part of the question is: is it better to be born deaf or to lose hearing later? With Jacob's in-laws in mind, it does seem that they have a very full and productive life. I salute them.